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January 24th, 2006

09:17 am: goodness gracious, i have a moment to breathe...
sorry for lack of updates. livejournal is like the bastard child of all my webblogs. poor livejournal. xanga and myspace are the big brother and sister who always pick on you, for that, i am sorry.

but anywho, here's a quickie.

hawaii was phenomenal. i learned how to surf, saw waterfalls and the most gorgeous sunrises and sunsets of my life. i <3 simply floating on those beautiful turquoise waves.

florida was a whirlwind. we had the most ridiculous layovers there and back. but anywho, the tournament itself was difficult. breaks were brutal, but it was a good wakeup call. saw a few good programs, and had a kickass time at the after party.

it's nice to be back home.

there might be more later. we shall see...

Current Mood: happyhappy

December 15th, 2005

02:27 am: sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... here's an update...

1. although it was crazy hectic, and monday turned out to be more hellish than originally planned, we wrapped the efp project and it turns out people really liked our video. it made the kids laugh, and that's what matters! this means i finished finals on monday at 430pm.

2. monday night peter called and asked if i wanted to go to san quentin with him and some of his friends to go protest against the death penalty. my second time there. such a surreal feeling. can't even describe it. even though it was under somber circumstances, i saw michael linsner, whom i always see in the most random places. and i walked right next to mike farrell and sean penn. the celebrity support and media hype for stanley tookie williams was outta control. the crowd was estimated at 1500 people. like i said before, it was so surreal. i wonder how many of those people were there simply because this was the thing to do, the cause to support, and the place to be... like i said before, it was so surreal. eventually peter and i left some of the group and headed to a less crowded part to sit on the side, watch the red light on the tower, and pray. he was supposed to be executed at midnight, or sometime around then. and when the process begins, the warden is supposed to change the light to green. we waited until 12:50 and the light had not turned yet. we left, thinking it was a good sign, that perhaps there was still a chance. on our long hike back to the car, we found out he had been executed at around 12:34, and the warden had forgotten to change the light. we think it was because they were afraid of riotting, and made the conscious decision to not change the light. i got home around 3am...
remember, my friends, ghandi said it best- an eye for an eye makes the world blind...

3. tuesday was going to be productive cleaning and christmas shopping day. yeah, most of that didn't happen. i slept in. then i woke up and stayed in bed, eating leftover chinese food and watching a movie. later in the night i was a bit productive and tidied up my room and cleaned the bathroom.

4. wednesday i woke up early to go to a skating session. my legs, yet again, were extremely jello-like the first thirty minutes. i also had a horrendous fall, which i truly blame on the horrific condition of my blades. i really shouldn't be skating on them at all. the screws are stripped and the blades need to be sharpened, but have reached their maximum sharpening point, and thus, are quite dull...
i came home for a quick bite to eat and nap, and then i headed downton to meet john for some ice cream. caught some thrifty ice cream at rite aid, and then we headed to the chinatown ymca for ian's art show! so amazing. he's seriously been slaving away on this show since august. disappeared into the black cave of the dark room for 15 hour days, and the culmination of his work was magnificent. our ultimate team made a stellar showing in support. kemi, jeff, randall, john, brandon, peter, sam, and myself. while we parted ways with a few, randall, john, peter, brandon, and i headed to irving to grab some dinner. we headed to an awesome mediterranean place where all of us proceeded to get lamb schwarmas or kabobs. Mmmmm tasty! peter left for his house, and the rest of us trekked to john's house to check out the place and pick up some discs. after that, randall, brandon, and myself waited in the cold for the 29, and eventually, made it home...

5. today, thursday, i plan to do some christmas shopping, finally register for classes, and then head out with yousef to kellie's holiday party. should be a rockin good time hangin out with the gumpers. and btw, my last day at the gump's was sunday. i'm either taking an extended vacation, and returning in february. or i'm leaving for good. we shall see...

6. winter break=
going back to fresno friday
coming back to sf for a few days next week and then going to davis to bring derricka back to fresno
staying in fresno for christmas
not sure where i'll be for new years
going back to sf after new years
hawaii with my family jan 7-17
florida with my teammates for the warmup jan 19-23
dvc for another tourney jan 2-29
school starts late january

busy busy busy bee....

7. so, after being cautiously hopeful, i've turned into fuck it mode. he hasn't called since i last saw him saturday morning. i called him on tuesday, though i didn't leave him a message since he doesn't check his message. i'm 99.9% sure it still shows that i've called. so he's seen that i've tried. and lord knows i've done all the effort thus far. and i'm finished. i don't want somebody who doesn't want to call me back. so yeah. fuck it...FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!! and even though i'm having this carefree nonchalant fuck it attidude, a part of me wonders why he hasn't called back. i know, i know. curiousity killed the cat...

so yeah, there's the update, be satisfied...

December 10th, 2005

05:28 pm: just when you thought hope was dead...

hope is alive, after all...

i had the most awesome night, a frickin fabulous morning, and i can't stop smiling...

let's see if these feelings can be sustained...

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful

December 8th, 2005

11:20 pm: hope is such a funny thing...
so i shouldn't get my hopes up ever ever ever again...

one last time...

he has til tomorrow to prove me wrong...

Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed

December 6th, 2005

06:29 pm: well then...
so, for those of you who know, i like this guy. and even though i don't know him all that well, i really like him. like, total smitten kitten. yes, i know, how fucking pathetic......

i've found empowerment through my gender class and took the initiative. i gave my number and pretty much asked him out. break those gender norms...

sooooo, it's all been really casual, haven't really hung out that much. and i called him last wednesday. he didn't call back. i called the next day. he didn't call back. so i went through the weekend feeling like a total loser (for those of you who had to put up with my mopiness, i apologize). and it just didn't seem like him, cause he's always returned my calls at a lightning speed. but anyways, so the weekend came and went, and then today (tuesday), in class i finally get to talk to him. he's had a hard month, and this past weekend, something else happened. so yeah, i totally understand that i am one of the lowest priorities on the totem pole of his life. and when i asked him if he ever got my messages he said that he hasn't checked his messages in months. so at the time i just nodded. although, now that i think about it, his phone must have still showed that i called. so even if he didn't hear the message, one would think he'd still call back...

so anyways, as we were walking apart, in a joking flirty manner (not demanding and bitchy), i said that i was finished calling him since he never checks his messages anyways. pretty much said that he should call me when, or if, he wants to hang out.

so what does all this mean?

=he's never going to call

and it's time for me to bask in the glory of my rejection......

Current Mood: rejectedrejected

November 19th, 2005

02:43 am: friday night fun!
i just had yet another awesome night... it started out with jeff and me going to see 'danton's death' at school. the first half was pretty awesome. but during intermission we decided we were too starving to sit through anymore of it so we headed to the castro and ended up at an awesome diner. Mmmmmmmmm food... then aaron and vince called jeff up and we met up with them at the cafe. and after some drinking and smoking (neither done by me ), we headed over to another bar and they had some more drinking and smoking. sidenote, when you hang out with smokers, even if you don't smoke, you get home and your clothes reek of smoke.... anywho, during these bar experiences we met some pretty cool people and had some interesting discussions. i ended up catching a ride with aaron and vince and yeah, it was a truck and i was stuck straddling the middle with aaron trying to shift and not violate me too too much. it's all in good fun, i got home safe and sound without having to pay an outrageous cab fee... much love for those guys

in other news, i'm currently infatuated... and after spending some quality time with the guy, not only do i find him physically attractive, but he's just a super cool, chill guy. we have a lot in common and i can hold an intellectually stimulating conversation with him. at dinner he pulled the chair out for me to sit in. yeah, it's random and little, but i love that. it might sound odd, but it makes my heart melt. just like opening a car door, it's just something little that i appreciate. so yeah, currently infatuated...

but anywho, i'm uber tired and i smell like a cigarette... time for bed... sweet dreams my dearies...

Current Mood: sleepysleepy

November 18th, 2005

03:42 am: potter... harry potter
the new harry potter is fucking phenomenal... GO SEE IT NOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: giddygiddy

October 9th, 2005

09:39 pm: i want to cuddle. i have nobody to cuddle with. join the pity-party...

Current Mood: lonelylonely

October 6th, 2005

03:29 pm: bulletin
in case you do not have myspace, and have not read the bulletin that i posted... i'm putting what i posted here too...

now, as you know, i am not a fan of the overuse of the bulletin feature, so when i post one, it really means something....

this is going to be long, but bear with me. all i want to you to do, is read this, and think....

just a few minutes ago, i opened a bulletin that had the subject line

"Caucasian people:READ!"

upon opening it i found...

---------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
Date: Oct 6, 2005 1:17 PM

Interesting bulletin that my little sis posted. An extreme perspective, but do not necesarily agree with all of it.

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.
You call me "Cracker", "Honkey", "Whitey" and even "The Man" and you think it's OK.
But when I call you, "Nigger", "Kike", "Towelhead", "Sand-Nigger", "Dune Coon", "Camel Jockey", "Beaner" or "Chink" you call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You say that you want to make a change in this country.
How? By protesting everything that we believe in? By trying to change everything that has made this country run fine for centuries?

You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah
You have Cinco de Mayo
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi
You have BET.

If we had WET(white entertainment television) we'd be racists.

If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.

If we had white history month, we'd be racists.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights.
If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.

You enjoy the thought of Driver's Licenses for illegals.
We enjoy the thought of people obeying the laws of the land in which they reside. No negotiations.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it.
But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.

You call each other "niggas", and in doing that you're saying its okay that it doesnt offend you, but when we say it...its racist.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us.
But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.

You can have Hispanic clubs and Africans American clubs but we couldnt even think of starting a white club without there being controversy

I am white.
I am proud.
I am an American.

But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists?


---------------- End Bulletin Message -----------------

though this person said that they did not necessarily agree with all of it, i am not sure that they fully understood the potential ramifications of helping to facilitate the propagation of a bulletin that is so obviously lined with racist rhetoric.

whoever formulated this, is able to do so because they sit from a perpective of privilege.

the bulletins has no true justification for feeling such strong emotions. they channel their energy into hateful rhetoric, and are furthering overgeneralizations without explanations.

i do not wish this bulletin of mine to be harmful to my friend who posted this, but i wish this to be an eye-opening experience to those who have open minds.

i'm going to pick a few parts of the bulletin to examine. though i know that all of the bulletin should be discussed, and there are probably so many other people who coul do so with more eloquence and grace than i can, i feel the need to respond to it, and i need to respond to it now...

1. "You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?"
-do you understand that we, as a society, created the places we now deem as the "ghettos." we forced those who are in a bracket of low income (including many minorities), into crowded neighborhoods where poverty runs rampant, and drugs run freely through the streets. and we continually turn our eyes from this problem. if we don't see it, then it doesn't exist...

2. "You say that you want to make a change in this country.
How? By protesting everything that we believe in? By trying to change everything that has made this country run fine for centuries?"
-yes, this country has run fine for centuries. because bigotry, slavery, homophobia, gender inequalities, and racism are okay. remember that this country was created by a revolution, a revolt. we have become far too complacent in our ways...

3. "You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us.
But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist."
-how high and mighty one can be to say that "YOU" rob, carjack, and shoot "US" scapegoating will not solve the problem.

4. "I am white.
I am proud.
I am an American.
But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists?
-somebody PLEASE tell me what "white" really is, anyways.this person is complaining about how one cannot say "white power" or be proud of being white. if you truly wanted to be proud of what you are, stop calling it a color, and somehow connect it to a heritage, a culture. german, polish, swedish, and the list goes on forever. swedish power! polish power! not, white power!

this bulletin physically hurts me. people truly believe this, and will read the original bulletin and see it as truth...

all i want you to do is think...

Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed

September 18th, 2005

03:06 am: fucking ridiculous...
it is 245 in the fucking morning, i didn't walk outta work until 130am, and seeing as i got up early (830am) to study, i'm damned tired, and now i had to deal with this shit...

so, as of 215am, there were three cars directly outside of my house with all their doors and trunks open with the music on FULL FUCKING BLAST. and i think to myself, well, maybe they're just getting into their cars and going home after a party. but no, after organizing a few things in my room, washing my face, and brushing my teeth, their music is still on full blast. so i go downstairs to yell at them and those motherfuckers are on top of their cars dancing to the music. so i yell "could you please turn down your music!" though in retrospect i realize that that phrase of utmost politeness was a bit too june cleaver for these guys.... and then after they turn, look at me, laugh at me, and flip me off while continually dancing on their cars with some godawful unknown rapper playing with the bass on so high that the whole block is reverberating with the sound, i finally yell "I'M CALLING THE COPS FUCKERS" and then i turn and return to my house without a clue as to who i should call to report them. luckily after a few more minutes they get into their cars and set off on their merry way. i'm sure they're intoxicated, and seeing as they're driving, god help anybody on the roads with them. i am hoping that while driving they avoid all other drivers and pedestrians out tonight, and all manage to collide into each other and suffer agonizing deaths while trapped in a fiery blaze. yes, god shall smite me for saying such a thing, but i'm so fucking pissed off right now that i could have taken them all on. them in their suped up honda civics and FUBU clothing. it's karma bitches, deal with it...

Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
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